On Finding My Spiritual Path…

I’m often asked about my spiritual path. People seem to be curious about what I believe and how I came to the path I follow. “Are you Pagan?” “Are you Wiccan?” “What tradition are you?” “Do you believe in God?” “What brought you to this path?” These are among the most common questions I’m asked regarding my beliefs. The answer is simple, yet complicated to explain. Here, I will attempt to give a general overview of my journey to my path, which will hopefully answer some of these questions.

Finding my spiritual path was, indeed, a journey. To give you an accurate context, I have to begin at the beginning….

I was raised the son of a Southern Baptist minister and was expected to be in church whenever the doors were open, whether I wanted to or not. I was very close to my maternal grandparents but never met my paternal grandparents because they passed before I was born. This is important to note because my maternal grandparents had a large role in shaping my spirituality. 

My maternal grandmother immigrated to America from Scotland when she was around 14 years old, which means she came here sometime around 1915 or so. My maternal grandfather was raised on the NC Cherokee reservation but left there as a young man. I spent many hours as a child listening to their stories. Both spoke perfect English, but grandmother preferred to speak Gaelic at home, just as grandfather preferred to speak Tsalagi Gawonihisdi (the Cherokee language) at home. English was used in public in order to not stand out as “different”, as well as to facilitate communication with those who didn’t speak either language. Because of this, I simultaneously learned both of their native languages as well as English, which was the only language spoken in my parents’ home.

But I digress… as I grew older, the church wasn’t where I wanted to be, and I quietly rebelled. The whole “faith-by-fear” concept (“If you aren’t saved you will burn in hell”) and the contradictions I heard in church, such as “God makes no mistakes, but you are imperfect and must atone for your sins” simply didn’t sit well with me. If God makes no mistakes, I pondered, then why would he make anyone imperfect? 

I started exploring other belief systems, searching for something that made sense. My jaunts to the public library on Saturdays were a prime opportunity to explore whatever belief system had come to my attention that week. Fortunately, I’m a fast reader and have good retention, so I was able to cover a lot of ground quickly and gather the information I needed.

My literary excursions quickly schooled me on many different faiths and spiritualities such as IChing, Taoism, Buddhism, Druidry, Native American spirituality (which I had also learned from my grandfather), Witchcraft, Atheism, traditional Celtic beliefs (The Old Ways, as my grandmother referred to it), and many others. I also dove into Catholicism, Protestantism, and other Bible-based beliefs just in case I misunderstood what I had been hearing in church. It turned out that I wasn’t misunderstanding. The contradictions and faith-by-fear concepts seemed pretty much universal within all Christian beliefs. But within each of the non-Christian belief systems, there were key elements that made sense, and many of those were common from one belief system to the next. Maybe, I thought, I’m on to something here…

My next move was to check out a book called Heather: Confessions of a Witch - a most interesting read, to say the least. By the end of the book, my curiosity was peaked. The story, which was supposedly a true account, did seem a bit sensationalized, but there was still solid information in there. 

My next book was Diary of a Witch by Sybil Leek. This book confirmed my growing suspicion… I was a witch. Why, you ask? Simply because it all made perfect sense. My active mind had been pondering so many “mysteries” of life for some time that Christianity seemed to be afraid to answer. I found quite a few of those answers in witchcraft, and they aligned perfectly with what I had felt to be factual. I also found no contradictions, no faith-by-fear (Satan is a Christian construct), and no feelings of forced servitude as I had found in Christianity. Oh… and no judging of others. People were allowed to be themselves, without shame or apology, and flaws or shortcomings were normal human things, and they were something to dive deeply into for understanding and improvement. There was also no proselytization. It never felt right to me to try and shame or frighten anyone to believe as I did, nor did it ever feel right to me to force my beliefs on anyone else. I finally understood who I was, and I had found deep spiritual meaning and purpose.

(A word about Satan being a Christian construct… Satan is unique to the Abrahamic religions and is usually related to demonology. During the time of the Crusades, when the Catholic Church was forcing Pagans to convert and murdering those that would not, it came to the Church’s attention that there was, in many Pagan pantheons, a horned god. In Celtic lore, for example, he was Cernunnos, the god of the wood. He was depicted with antlers and sometimes cloven hooves and was the protector of the forest and all that lived there. The Church took his image, and removed all references to woodland creatures, changed the antlers into horns, gave him a pointy tail, and red skin, removed the snake from his left hand, and replaced the torque he held in his right hand with a pitchfork. His mythos was then adapted, using the Biblical story of Lucifer (a fallen angel) making him a being of pure evil who lived in a place of fire, brimstone, and eternal damnation called Hell. The Church then had a convenient device by which they could force conversion based on fear of eternal burning and damnation. Satan, however, is a myth and so is Hell.)

By the time I was 18, I had abandoned the church, agreeing only to grace its door when absolutely necessary… a family funeral or wedding, perhaps. Even then, I arrived at the last minute and was the first to leave at the end of the services. I didn’t feel comfortable in the house of hypocrisy, where fear and contradictions ruled the masses. I had also come to accept by this time that I was gay, and I knew that neither the church nor their god wanted me there. I’ve never been one to remain where I am unwanted or uncomfortable.

For the next four years or so, I gathered what information I could on witchcraft from whatever sources I could find. Library books, grandmother’s book of shadows (written in Gaelic) that I had covertly absconded with when she crossed over (she had passed when I was 8), and a few friends that I had met whose parents practiced the craft. I also spent more time talking with my grandfather, who had a working knowledge of my grandmother’s path but was also a wealth of information about his own path as a Native American. Slowly, I began to see commonalities between his path and my grandmother’s and began to integrate the two paths into one of my own. 

For clarity, I must add here that I was dealing with substance abuse from the ages of 20 to 22. I had always been overweight as a child, and at the age of 19… my first year of college… I began a weight loss program that actually worked (enhanced in the last 4 months by speed… the real stuff, not caffeine pills). I lost 110 pounds in an 8-month period, met my first boyfriend, became sexually active, and was suddenly very popular. Everyone wanted to go out with me, and be my “friend”. It was at one of those parties with my boyfriend and several of our mutual friends, that I tried heroin for the first time. 

Over the next two years, my relationship ended, my addiction got worse, and I was trying other drugs like “magic mushrooms”, acid, cocaine, poppers, and a few others. Eventually, I overdosed on heroin that I didn’t know was nearly pure. I was pronounced dead 3 times that day and survived. Yes, I had the whole near-death, white-light experience, which was eye-opening and destroyed my fear of death. I kicked the drugs cold turkey after that, but that is a subject for a future blog.

In 1988, the year of my 26th birthday, a wonderful new book came to my attention. Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham was published and I bought a copy as soon as I had the money. Money had always been something I had precious little of, but I managed to scrape together enough to get this book. It was a life-changing tome! Here, in the pages of this softcover book, was all the information I needed to start off my spiritual path anew in an organized manner. Questions I had been seeking to answer for many years were answered here. I was thrilled to have this new source of knowledge and thrilled that buying this book was a great investment. I had never heard the term “Wicca” before, except in passing while reading about Gerald Gardner, but this book explained what it was. After reading the entire book, I dedicated myself to Wicca as a solitary practitioner. Note: for those beginning to explore Wicca, or those just wanting to understand it better, I highly recommend this as your first book on the subject.

In 1996, I was introduced to a wonderful man who was a lifelong Druid, and we quickly fell in love. I learned much from him, including that I was perfectly free to create my own spiritual path using whatever made sense to me. This revelation was a breakthrough! I returned to everything I had learned from studying all those other paths as a teenager, including what I had learned from my grandmother and grandfather, and began to sort out what worked best for me and made the most sense. My spiritual practice was, once again, a joy as well as an adventure as it transformed into something that was much more “me”. There was one complication though… I never knew how to answer when someone asked “Are you Wiccan?” or “What tradition are you?” Everything spiritual in my life was in a constant state of evolution, and it seemed like there was suddenly so much to learn. But it was obvious to me that I didn’t fit into any of the traditions that I had heard of.

After 10 years of a wonderful relationship, the love of my life died peacefully in my arms from AIDS-related complications. My life was changed again. I had never witnessed anyone take their final breath, much less someone I loved. I knew it was his time… that his work here was done… and I wasn’t afraid, but I still wasn’t prepared. Words are inadequate to describe it, but I felt him leave. I felt his soul break free of the human form and just leave. It was so beautiful, yet so heartbreaking, too. On the one hand, he was free… no more pain, no more illness, no more annoying minutia to deal with of being in human form. On the other hand, he was everything to me. I had never known that I could love so deeply until he came into my life. And now, he was gone and I was alone again.

For the next 13 years, I grieved while trying to “find myself” again. I had wrapped my entire world around him so completely, that I had lost myself. Everything was in question… how was I going to live without the man I loved, who was I, why did he have to go, was I destined to be alone now, and how did my spiritual path fit into all that had happened? So many questions, so few answers. I was in a personal crisis. I could have just shut down, closed myself off, and gone through the motions of living, but that wasn’t me. I have always been one who, in times of crisis, pulls his shit together and deals with it. I can break down and cry after it’s done if needed. So that’s what I did. I pulled my shit together and went on a search… for answers, for my spiritual path, and for myself. 

Along the way, I ended up spending some time exploring my Native heritage… not my genealogy, but my heritage. I spent time with the Navajo and the Hopi, learning what I could about their traditions and history. Yes, my grandfather was Cherokee and my paternal grandmother (who passed before I was born) was Haliwa-Saponi, but I wanted the perspective of other nations. It was during this time that I experienced my first sweat lodge and my first vision quest. That time is a subject for a future blog to share details, but I will say that it was an epiphany.

I eventually landed in Chicago, where I lived for 6 years. I found myself positioned perfectly to attend the annual Pow Wow, which helped me continue to feel connected to my ancestry and even learn more about it. I never really had a circle of pagan friends, though. Although I had met various people throughout my adult life that were involved in Wicca, witchcraft, druidry, or other such spiritual paths, I seldom found myself socializing much with any of them. On the rare occasion that I did pursue friendships with them, I never felt that I “fit in” with them or those they hung out with. My beliefs were similar but so different from theirs, and my experiences were completely out of their realm of reference, so there was never much we could really connect about. I remained solitary in my practice and in all other aspects of my life. Dating had not been on my radar since my partner had passed because I just never found anyone that I felt was worth the time and energy of building a relationship. Those I did meet were just looking to hook up, which isn’t something I’m usually interested in. Most people don’t “get” me without spending the time to truly get to know me. I guess I’m just used to being a loner…

In 2008, while on my computer at home in Chicago, I stumbled across a chat group called Pagan Men for Men. Sounded interesting, so I set up an account and started chatting with a few guys on there. They were welcoming, and friendly, and they all had different beliefs with some commonalities. I quickly became friends with a few of them, and we discussed many things spiritual and secular. 

At some point, perhaps a month or two later, I became aware of one person in particular. His real name was Eric. He was kind, open-minded, compassionate, wise, and friendly. But this was different for two reasons… I could feel strong chemistry between us, and it was like he knew me better than I knew myself. Seriously, he just knew personal stuff that I had never shared with anyone. I was blown away and spent many hours chatting with him online. That soon gave way to exchanging phone numbers and talking on the phone for hours on end almost every night. Now, I’m not one to give my number out to random people, nor am I one to meet someone online and set up an in-person meeting. I’ve heard too many horror stories about that! I’m also very guarded with personal info. But this was different. I had no concerns about Eric. There were no “red flags”, no second thoughts, and no negatives at all. It was as if the Universe had brought us together because we were supposed to be in each other’s lives. Eventually, I ended up meeting him in Florida where he was visiting family, spending some time with him there, and then driving with him to his home in Massachusetts. It turned out that Massachusetts was where I was supposed to be, and even though Eric and I were not meant to be in a relationship, he is still part of my chosen family that I live with, and my best friend.

Eric follows his own spiritual path, which has since evolved into his own coven and tradition. (For clarity, a coven is a gathering of witches who follow the same tradition. A tradition is a specific spiritual belief system with its own set of beliefs and practices, some of which may or may not be common among other traditions.) Eric’s tradition is called One Soul, and the coven is the One Soul Coven. I dare say that most people have never heard of this coven or tradition, but that’s because it is still in its infancy. Let me explain…

The One Soul tradition is based on the belief that there is only one soul, which most people perceive as God. Each living thing holds a piece of that soul for the purpose of experiencing life on this plane of existence in that particular form. That can be a person, an animal, or insect, or anything else that is living. Each life has its own experiences, and at the end of that life, that part of the One Soul returns to its source and processes those life experiences before returning as another life to experience more. In other words, the One Soul (or Source) is experiencing everything, all at once, through every life that ever was, is, or will be. In this sense, we are all each other, because we share that One Soul (Source). 

Yes, it might sound confusing or over-simplified to read that, but when you dive into it, there is a perfect sense to all of this. In a future blog, I will expand on this topic. For right now, just know that this is my path. I’m still a witch, and working the craft is a massive part of my spirituality. Following the One Soul tradition has helped me see things from another perspective. It has helped me find compassion in situations where that’s not the obvious viewpoint to take. It has helped me rediscover and reclaim my own personal power. More importantly, it has provided answers to questions that I never thought I would find answers for. 

I suppose now is the time to answer those questions we began with. Am I Wiccan? Yes, but not as most people understand Wicca. My path is my own, created and recreated many times by me, for me. Am I Pagan? Yes, but Paganism seems to have evolved into a convenient little box to put anyone into that doesn’t follow Christianity, so the answer is really yes, but no. What tradition am I? One Soul and I am a founding member of the One Soul Coven, which currently has 4 members, counting myself. What level are you in your coven? We don’t yet have “levels” or “degrees”, but I have been a practicing witch for over 40 years and I am Clergy (or High Priest, in Pagan terms), ordained, and registered with my state. I can legally perform weddings, handfastings, funerals, conduct ministerial counseling, etc.  

This, and so much more, is what I have learned on my spiritual path. Every situation I found myself in… every world-shattering experience I had… every person I have met on my journey… every moment of pain and ecstasy… has led me here. None of it was by accident or coincidence. I do not, in fact, believe in coincidence. All of this was agreed to by the part of the One Soul inside me prior to my conception. I needed to have these experiences, feel these emotions, and learn these lessons in order to fully experience the life that is me. The end result, so far, is that I have evolved into a more true version of who I am meant to be. I have had experiences in my own life that allow me to feel empathetic to others in similar situations and to treat those people with love, respect, and dignity. Nothing I experienced, no person that has crossed my path, in my nearly 61 years of life was by accident.

The fact that I am gay was no accident, either. No, it wasn’t a choice I made as I grew… it was a choice I made on a soul level before my conception. How else would I understand what it’s like to be a gay man, born in the South in the 1960s, living through the AIDS crisis in the 1980s, and being politically persecuted extensively in 2023? I am gay because I am supposed to be gay. For all the pain that I have endured in my life, all the loneliness and rejection, all the victimization and vilification that I have endured… I would not change one bit of it, even if I could. THIS is who I was meant to be; I could not be who I am without those experiences. 

I hope this answers some questions, and that it has resonated with some of you. My next blog will expand on the foundation of the One Soul Tradition, as I answer the most common question people ask… “Do you believe in God?” The answer is not what you might think…

 

The “Divorce the TQ+” Movement and Why It’s Dangerous

Some of you may have become aware of a movement, largely on social media, that is arguing for the division of the LBGTQ+ community. They claim that those included in the “TQ+” portion of the community should be considered to be enemies and therefore removed. That would consist of those who identify as Trans, Queer, non-binary, gender non-conforming, and anyone else in the community that does not identify as Lesbian, Gay, or Bi. This “movement” is not only extremely dangerous for the community as a whole, but it’s a Republican trick. 

Why is it dangerous, you ask? The obvious answer is that it is divisive to the community. The greatest strength of our community, aside from our vast diversity, is our unity. This was never more evident than during the HIV/AIDS crisis in the 80s. It was our unity as a community that made us strong enough to challenge the inaction of the Reagan administration, which lead ultimately to effective treatment, testing, and public education. Our unity enabled us to fight for the right to marry, to not lose jobs or housing because of our sexual orientation, to see ourselves more accurately represented in media, and even to hold hands with our partners in public. Unity allowed us to survive, thrive and create better lives for our community as a whole, and it is key to maintaining and expanding our rights, freedoms, and quality of life. (That battle is not yet won... there are still parts of this country where jobs and housing are at risk for us, and violence against members of our community is still a problem. But it is much better now that it was when I was in my 20's, and we have more legal rights and protections in place. But that's for a future blog...)

But this “movement” is also dangerous because it seeks to turn our community against itself. It seeks to alienate a large portion of the community by painting them as “enemies”. Much of the language the “movement” uses is directly from the right-wing playbook. It involves accusations that the Trans community is engaged in the “grooming” of children. Another tactic they use is attempting to blame the Trans community for the spate of anti-gay legislation currently happening across the country, along with calling them “predators”. There are more talking points at play along with a lot of hate, but you get the idea. None of this is based on fact. In truth, it is all based on fear, misinformation, and outright lies, all of which are dangerous in and of themselves.

It should not escape notice that as this “movement” seemingly gains steam on social media, news broke from CPAC that Daily Wire host Michael Knowles in his speech to the conference, called for the “complete eradication of transgenderism”. Do not be fooled… “transgenderism” is a made-up term being used to hide (poorly) the real message here… a call for the complete eradication of Transgender people (which Knowles vehemently denies, of course). In other words, a call for genocide. This can not be taken lightly! Such language harkens back to Nazism and their attempt to eradicate Jewish people (and yes, the gay community as well). In our current climate, such words can easily lead to attempts by some hate-filled, misguided people to actually attempt genocide. Is there a connection between this statement at CPAC and this “movement”? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Either way, the effect is the same… the Trans community is under outright attack, and by extension, so is the entire LGBTQ+ community.

So then, why is this “movement” a Republican trick? Because it is, by all appearances, not a genuine movement within the LGBTQ+ community, but rather a movement by far-right actors posing as members of our community, in an effort to “divide and conquer”. The entire LGBTQ+ community is firmly in the political crosshairs now, more than ever before. Yes, I know that some genuine members of our community are falling for this and jumping on the bandwagon (I'll address this in a moment), but it is still primarily created and fueled by far-right Republicans (and I’m including white supremacists, Neo-nazis and the other fascist groups in this, too).

Right-wing factions (including Trump-supporting Republicans, Neo-nazis, white supremacists, and insurrectionists) are not at all happy that LGBTQ+ people are gaining equality under the law and acceptance in the public eye. We are seen as a threat to everything they hold dear, even though we are not. They see us as the enemy, and they recognize that as long as we stand united, we can not be silenced. Rest assured that they believe turning us against a portion of our community, specifically the Trans community, will cause in-fighting and weaken us. If they can successfully oppress the Trans community because of that in-fighting, then the rest of the community becomes a more viable target. The end game, in their minds, is to not only take away all the rights, freedoms, and progress our community has made over the last 3 or 4 decades but to silence and remove us from society in any way possible. That could include such things as imprisoning us, relegating us to concentration camps, mass deportation, or worse, genocide. 

What’s even more frightening is seeing some members of our community actually buying into this “movement” and their lies. Based on what I’ve personally seen, these tend to be younger members of our community who are likely not aware of these tactics, and possibly not aware of the importance of the Trans community to the LGBTQ+ community as a whole, because gay history is not taught in schools. Were it not for some brave, pissed-off drag queens and Trans-women, Stonewall would not have happened. Stonewall was key in the progress we have made thus far as a community. In this sense, we owe our rights to Trans-women, and now is not the time to turn our backs on them. Especially now, when they are victims of the eighth stage of genocide. (For more on the 8 stages of genocide, visit The Borgen Project).

In all honesty, genocide attempts would never truly be successful because there will always be more Trans people being born. However, the attempt would be horrific and would result in even more brutal murders of our Trans sisters and brothers than we are already enduring.

What can we do? Don’t buy into this “movement” or their propaganda. Speak out in defense of the Trans community whenever possible, and support them as much as possible. Organize with other members of the community, as well as our allies, to fight this attempt to divide us. Most of all, we must remain united and fight against division at every turn. We did not achieve the rights, freedoms, and public acceptance we enjoy today by being self-centered or apathetic. We united as a community and fought our asses off. It’s going to take more of that to maintain and advance our fight for equality, and to protect every member of our community in the process.

And yes, you might think it cliché because you’ve heard it before, but one of our best weapons is our VOTE. Making sure you vote in EVERY election, local, state, and federal, is vital. Making sure you understand the objectives of the candidates concerning protecting the rights of the LGBTQ+ community and voting for the best person for the job is critical. Don’t buy into the trope that your vote doesn’t count or doesn’t matter, or that all politicians promise one thing and do another once elected. There are some very good, very progressive candidates in every election. The key is to vet them out, figure out who is sincere and who isn’t, and support them accordingly. The biggest reason that votes don't seem to count is that too many people sit back, not voting themselves, and allow everyone else to choose who gets in office. Better yet, if you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community or an ally, consider running for office yourself, even for local offices. It makes more of a difference than you may realize.

~Peace~

Club Q

Before I get to the blog post…. It’s been a little over 12 years since my last blog entry. Life has a way of interrupting your other plans. Since then, I’ve moved a couple of times, I have become more outspoken, and I have experienced a lot. Those experiences, both good and bad, will be subjects of future blog entries. But for now, I just wanted to say that I’ve missed this, and my followers, and I’m glad to be back.

The words I write here are my own. They are carefully chosen based on personal knowledge, research and experience, along with a bit of foresight. Sometimes, I will discuss political topics. I know… that’s a topic that stirs the nest a bit. But, I am simply exercising my right to free speech. I do not set out to offend anyone, merely to offer another point of view. If you disagree, that’s fine. But carefully consider the words I choose and the perspective I present, and do your own research before you explode into a diatribe of nastiness. Civil discourse is a benchmark of our Democracy, and it can often introduce viewpoints and facts that may not have been previously considered. Thank you for your civility.

Saturday night (11/19/22), someone walked into a gay bar called Club Q in Colorado Springs wearing body armor, armed with two weapons, and opened fire. Two patrons and a trans woman subdued the attacker and held him down until police arrived. Two unarmed patrons and a trans woman in a gay bar who no doubt saved lives by their bravery. They are indeed heroes. The end result… 5 people are dead, 25 others injured… some of them are in critical condition, and countless others who witnessed this act of hate are forever traumatized. The families of these people are devastated. 

The LGBTQI+ community as a whole is feeling lots of things… anger, fear, sorrow… but I see an undercurrent of determination within the community. Determination to fight for our very lives. Determination to call out those who spread the hateful lies and rhetoric that has created an atmosphere of hate, aimed directly at our community. Rhetoric that results in violence, terror, and death. This rhetoric is spewed from the foul mouths of people like Fox News, Lauren Boebert and her MAGA cohorts with the intention of creating fear of our community all in the name of getting more votes. Let’s also not forget white supremacists, many of whom are literally celebrating the attack on Club Q on the dark web. They don’t care that their words kill. They don’t care about the suffering they cause. They only care about the votes it will bring and the money that lines their pockets from corporate entities and others who believe as they do and bankroll their efforts. It doesn’t matter that they offer empty platitudes on their social media platforms after people get killed. They’re glad it happened and they offer those platitudes to make themselves look concerned. Yes, you read that right… they are glad it happened. We are talking about people who would rather see those who are gay, lesbian, trans and anyone else that falls into the LGBTQI+ community dead. Their hatred of us is that great.

They call us “groomers” and “pedophiles”, and people choose to blindly accept this rhetoric… these lies… as truth. They don’t bother to educate themselves or seek any other source of information. Besides, if it’s on Fox News it MUST be true, right? Give me a break! Fox News wouldn’t know the truth if it hit them with a brick! The truth, backed by science and case management, tells us that the vast majority of pedophiles are heterosexual. Abuse is about power and control and is not anchored by sexual orientation. As for the “groomers” accusation… if you’re gay, you’re gay. That is not something that you are recruited or groomed into being. Virtually all major psychological and medical experts agree that sexual orientation is NOT a choice. 

The LGBTQI+ community has been targeted and vilified… by far right politicians, white supremacists, and yes… certain factions of the Christian community… for decades. The difference now is that these people feel empowered to act on their hatred, because we live in an environment that allows them to do so. So many of them own guns, particularly assault rifles, and some of them are trigger happy. They cheer on those that discriminate against us, that attack us, and those that kill us. They raise them up as some kind of hero and create GoFundMe accounts for them, and groom them for political careers down the road. How does that make any sense at all?

If you’re an ally, we need you to call out and correct the lies being told about our community. We need you to stand up and speak up whenever you hear this bullshit being spread. We can raise our voices, but we need yours too. We also need you to lobby your representatives in the House and in the Senate to do some real reform regarding gun control. No one, excepting active military personnel, needs an AK46 or any other weapon of mass destruction. Period. We also need our allies to consider carefully who you vote for. You can not be a true ally and vote for a politician or party that would restrict our rights, vilify us, or incite violence against us (and that includes using incendiary language about us and spreading lies about us). It just doesn’t work that way.

If you, like myself, are a part of the LGBTQI+ community, it’s time to wake up and get a dose of reality. This isn’t going away on its own. We must rally together as a community and fight back against the hate. We must rally around our own to help the survivors of these attacks heal, and we must raise our voices and use our votes to effect real change. If we don’t, we are looking down the road at a much worse situation.

Further, it is more important than ever that everyone who is of legal age register and vote! Sitting it out isn’t an option. It’s far too important. Yes, it sucks that we often find ourselves voting for the lesser of two evils, or voting for a candidate we don’t really like because the other one is worse. I get it. But if you don’t vote at all, you’re making it easier for the “worse” candidate to win. We saw that with Trump in 2016, and look how that turned out. Too often, people decide to sit it out and then they spend the next 2 to 4 years bitching about how awful the person that won the election turned out to be. Well, dammit, VOTE!

Democracy is still in danger in this country. The Republican Party of today is no longer simply the conservatives of days gone by. No, it has devolved into a party of lies, deception, insurrection and fascism. Trump has already announced his Presidential candidacy for the 2024 election. While many top level Republicans are finally beginning to abandon him, that does not lessen the danger. He still has die-hard devotees who vote and who listen to his every word. Further, there is a likelihood that DeSantis will announce his candidacy as well. He is even more dangerous because he has a functioning brain. If either of them, particularly DeSantis, ever becomes President, we can kiss our democracy goodbye. The US will become a fascist state, elections will be a thing of the past, our government will become a dictatorship, and our freedoms will evaporate. Only white, heterosexual fascists and white supremacists will have any freedoms or rights. Women will be reduced to chattel, having no rights and no power. People of color and the LGBTQI+ community will be targets for increased violence and vilification. State-sanctioned incarceration and/or execution for those communities will follow. Our borders will close and any non-citizens that are in the country will be deported or worse. No, this is not some dystopian, post-apocalyptic fantasy. This is the very real, very likely outcome should our democracy collapse. If that picture scares you, good. We should all be scared into action, because choosing not to act is consent.

I call on the LGBTQI+ community and our allies to stand up, speak up, and fight with us… not only to protect our community, but to protect our democracy and the rights and freedoms each of us currently takes for granted. We saw how easily those rights and freedoms can be taken away with the overturning of Roe v Wade. The Supreme Court has already let it be known that other rights are on the chopping block… interracial marriage, marriage equality, and the right to contraceptives (specifically aimed at married women). If we value our freedoms, our rights, our very lives… the time to act is NOW!

The Power of Meditation...

Meditation is a powerful thing, and it can even affect your health in a positive way. Even my smart-assed doctor had to admit it! But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Flash back to June 14, 2007... It was exactly 2 weeks prior to my 45th birthday, and I was working the morning shift at the salon (I lived in Chicago at the time). I wasn't feeling that stressed, though I was Assistant Manager for a salon full of difficult stylists AND I was dealing with a 'boyfriend' that was impossible. Anyway, I was simply walking through the salon when I began to feel strange... one side of my body from head to toe went numb, speech became difficult, legs felt like they were going to fail me, etc. My first thought was that it was a stroke, but when it ended perhaps 2 minutes later with no apparent lasting effects, I began to doubt myself. I finally got a doctor's appointment (on my birthday) and found that I had high blood pressure (I already knew I had high cholesterol). I was sent for an MRI, which revealed that I had actually had a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack... also called a mini-stroke). I was placed on meds for my blood pressure and cholesterol, which I took faithfully until February 2008, when my insurance ended due to a change of employers. Without insurance, I simply could not afford the cost of the meds, and had no choice but to do without them until I could get insurance again. Little did I know that it would be exactly 2 years before I would have insurance or my meds again.

In 2009, I met a wonderful man who lived in Massachusetts, fell in love, and ended up moving here to be with him. Sadly, the romantic part of the relationship didn't last, but we remain best friends and house-mates to this day. One of the reasons I connected with him so quickly and so deeply was that his spiritual views are incredibly close to mine... though he's obviously progressed much farther down that spiritual path than I have thus far, and he subsequently has a greater understanding. In other words, he was the first person (other than myself) that I knew of who believed what I believed and viewed things in the same way that I do... because you simply don't find these particular beliefs in any books anywhere... and I knew immediately that I could learn much from him. I asked him to teach me (actually, it's more of a guiding than teaching), and he's been doing so for about the last month. Perhaps I'll post another blog entry later expounding on how much he's helped me, and how quickly this is changing my life in every way... but that's not for this entry. It is, however, important to note that we're doing this spiritual work at this point, as you will see shortly.

Back in February of 2010, I finally got an appointment with a doctor here in Massachusetts. This was a major step forward because it's nearly impossible to find a doctor that's accepting new patients around here. Anyway, my blood pressure and cholesterol were checked on that first appointment on the 18th, and both were very high. Blood pressure was 117/100 and cholesterol was 319... even I was surprised that I was still walking. My doctor put me back on meds for both and we scheduled a follow-up exam for a month later.

After taking my meds for about 2 weeks, I began to experience leg pain and stiffness along with a mild case of hives. I was advised to stop both meds and come in to see the doctor today... 11 days after stopping the meds. The doctor was amazed to find that my blood pressure was damned near perfect, despite not having the meds for so long. He quipped, in his usual smart-assed way, "What are you doing? Practicing meditation or something?" To which I replied, "Actually, yes... a brief devotional every morning, and once a week, my best friend and I meditate together before doing our spiritual studies." He looked dumb-founded and stated that he was just being a smart-ass, to which I replied, "Yes, I know. But seriously, I'm doing that." He was speechless for a moment, then admitted that it seemed to be having a positive effect on my health, and that I should continue doing the meditation and forget about taking any meds for the blood pressure... and we'll check it again in a month.

So, while I DO NOT recommend that anyone should arbitrarily stop taking any kind of medications without doctor approval, I DO recommend meditating and getting deeper into your chosen spiritual path. It certainly can't hurt, may actually help you physically as well as spiritually, and you might end up surprising your doctor in the process.

~Peace~

Letting Go...

I have let go of the love of my life. This process of letting him go has been, without question, the most difficult thing I've had to do in this life. It has taken me months to get to this point, because I loved him so deeply. I was afraid to let go. I was afraid, and I was letting my fear rule me. But I finally saw it for what it was and made myself let go. I've never felt pain like that before, nor have I ever felt so lost and alone. How ironic that, after finally finding a man who is everything I've ever asked for in a lover, it would turn out like this. But letting go was the right thing to do.

On the one hand, I will always and forever cherish the brief time we were together as lovers. That was the happiest I've ever been and he was, without doubt, the one. We fit together like a hand in a glove on most every level, and it was an amazing and magical time in my life. Even when he told me he'd fallen out of love with me, it was done with genuine love. I will never forget how we held each other and cried together for hours that night, both of us in indescribable pain and grieving the loss of this relationship. We each so wanted it to be the other that we'd spend our lives with... that we'd eventually marry... and we were both utterly devastated. As brief as our relationship was, it was very real, intense, loving, beautiful, magical, honest, respectful, and so worth all the pain that was to come. I am so blessed to have experienced that kind of love with that man, and to have experienced that man so deeply and intimately. No one else could have loved me like he did, and I do not regret one nano-second of our relationship... I only regret that it did not last.

On the other hand, I will always wonder if there was anything we could have done to save it... or that I could have done to keep him from falling out of love with me. I will always wonder if the outcome would have been different had we taken a slower path to each other, or had we done this or that differently or at a different time. I will always wonder, if given more time, would he have fallen back in love with me. I will always wonder what it would have felt like to celebrate our first anniversary together... or our tenth. And a part of me... the part that will always and forever be in love with him... will always feel cheated out of the relationship I've searched my entire life to find.

But I had to let go... because in holding on to my love for him and the hope that he'd fall back in love with me, I was causing suffering and misery for both of us. It wasn't fair to me... because I don't deserve to live that way... and it wasn't fair to him, because he doesn't deserve to endure the agony of seeing me live that way.

I also had to let go in order to grow. Yes, it caused a major crisis of faith for me, and I was so very angry with the Gods for torturing me... for giving me the love I'd always searched for and then taking it away so quickly and without warning, like some kind of cruel joke. But even as I cursed them, accused them, and hated them, I knew it wasn't them. They were, in fact, grieving with me. Instead, I knew it was me (though I didn't want to admit it just then) that was at the root of this grief. I had, unwittingly, lost myself in this love. In doing so, I ceased to act like me and began to act like someone other than the man with whom he fell in love. The end result was that I caused him to fall out of love with me without even knowing it... at least, not until it was too late. If I could go back in time and do this over with this knowledge, I would in a heartbeat... but who's to say if it would have made a difference? Maybe, maybe not... we'll probably never know.

There were many reasons this happened... too many to enumerate here. Suffice it to say that, given all the little factors and dynamics that existed prior to our meeting each other, it was most likely inevitable that our relationship would be sabotaged. I couldn't have done the work needed to prevent myself from losing this love, until I had actually been through that loss. A dichotomy of sorts, and a cruel one at that. This was a costly and painful lesson... I lost the most precious thing in my life... but from it, I have grown as a person.

There have been those who have tried to make him the villain in all this, but that simply is not true. They will believe and say what they want, but the effect will be that it will remove them from my list of friends. I honestly do not want anyone calling themselves my friend if they can't hear me and honor my wishes... this was not his fault... I won't let him be vilified.

I'm so very blessed to have met him, to have been his lover, to have his trust and love even now. I have him in my life still, we are family to each other, we still live together, and he's a daily blessing to me. He is my best friend, in every sense of the term. There is a bond between us that will never be broken, and I am so fortunate for that. I have begun to go deeper into my spiritual path now, to get back in touch with my center, and to continue to grow as a spiritual being. I am becoming myself again, and this time, I will not lose myself for any reason.

As for the love of my life, he will always be that to me. Perhaps, some time in the future, we'll decide to try to build a new relationship with each other. Both of us are very open to the possibility... but we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. In the meantime, we're moving on... he with his life, me with mine, and both of us together as friends and family.

~Peace~
ND

Time...

It has been a while since my last post. In fact, I've gotten a few inquiries from some really great people about my well-being. I must apologize for causing concern and thank those of you that asked.

Truth is, I'm going through a period of change in my life right now. It's all positive change and very welcome, but the truth is that everything right now is taking much longer than expected. Time seems to be zooming by and I've found myself getting behind in all my correspondence... everything from this blog to emails, and even returning phone calls.

Funny how time does that... when you're waiting for something to happen, it drags by so slowly... but then it simply zooms once that something begins. There never seems to be enough time to get things done that I must do, despite being rather skilled at time management.

I suppose, considering that time itself (in a linear context, at least) is a man-made perception, that it only stands to reason it would seem fleeting. In reality, time isn't linear... it's more like a blob, in that everything happens simultaneously. It is simply the limitations of the human mind that cause us to perceive it as linear and sequential. For this reason, I know that everything I want or need to do is already done, and it's a matter of my physical self and my mental perception catching up.

That still doesn't keep wonderful people from being concerned at the lack of communication. So, again, my apologies for creating concern, my thanks for the inquiries, and a request that my readers be patient for just a little while longer. I promise that once I get my things moved from Chicago to Massachusetts (my new home - more on that in the next blog), I will get caught up on blogging and keep a regular schedule of updates. I have more to say about our environment (and a variety of other topics) next time, too...

Blessings to all!

~Peace~

Of Bees and Men...

Global warming... a term that has come to describe the current climate crisis of planet Earth, though a more appropriate term would be "climate change".

Do I believe global warming is real? Yes, I do. The science is there and it is very sound. Even without the science, it has been very clear to me for many years now that the climate is changing. I've seen it in the way the seasons are beginning to run together. Spring and Autumn are nothing like they were when I was a child. They do not last as long and sometimes they don't even come. Summers are hotter, winters are colder, rains either don't come or there's too much... same with winter precipitations, too. I've seen plants and insects that don't belong in a certain area suddenly take up residence and thrive, while plants, insects and sometimes animals that do belong in that region vanish altogether. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the changes, but you do have to be aware of nature and your surroundings and you have to take notice of what is different from year to year. Most of us don't pay much attention to nature these days, nor do we make the effort to learn much about it. Instead, we're much more concerned with cutting down trees to build shopping centers and roads and we tend to view nature as the enemy... or at least, primitive and inconvenient. Mark my words... such attitudes toward nature are foolish and they will end up biting you in the ass one day. If not for nature, humanity would never have existed.

Do I believe time is running out for us to do something about it? Yes, and as far as we know, time may have already run out. Still, we have to try our best to at least slow it down so that science can have a chance to find a way to reverse it. Polar ice caps are melting much faster than scientists anticipated, threatening the extinction of all forms of life that depend on the polar ice. Even polar bears are in serious danger of becoming extinct in our lifetime, due to the melting ice, which directly affects their ability to find food. In fact, it is predicted that at least 35% of all species of plant, animal and insects will become extinct by the middle of the century... that's more than one-third of life on Earth! That is completely unacceptable and entirely preventable. Remember, when a species goes extinct it is gone forever. There's no bringing it back... (and no, we can't clone a species back in to existence. Cloning as it currently stands comes with one problem... kidney issues. In every species that has thus far been cloned, the animal lived a maximum of one to two years, then died from some issue or other with the kidneys... which tells me the cloning process is flawed.)

A case in point... have you noticed that the bees haven't been nearly as visible or plentiful in recent years? Farmers and others who depend on the bees cross-pollination for crops have. So have many non-agricultural people. Bees are disappearing quickly. Experts are at a loss to explain the fall in honey bee populations in America, with fears that a new disease, the effects of pollution or the increased use of pesticides could be to blame for "colony collapse disorder". From 1971 to 2006 approximately one half of the US honey bee colonies had vanished. In Spain, hundreds of thousands of colonies have been lost and beekeepers in northern Croatia estimated that five million bees had died in just 48 hours during one week in 2008. In Poland, the Swietokrzyskie beekeeper association has estimated that up to 40 per cent of bees were wiped out in 2007. Greece, Switzerland, Italy and Portugal have also reported heavy losses. The depopulation of bees could have a huge impact on the environment, which is reliant on the insects for pollination. If taken to the extreme, crops, fodder - and therefore livestock - could die off if there are no pollinating insects left.

Read that last sentence again... If taken to the extreme, crops, fodder - and therefore livestock - could die off if there are no pollinating insects left. By extrapolation... if you don't have insects (bees being the most prevalent pollinators) to pollinate the plants, they will go extinct. No more flowers, corn, soybeans, sqash, hay, grains, etc. Even trees will be facing extinction simply because of the loss of the bee population, as will any creature that relies on honey for food. Anything that relies on plants, flowers or trees for food (such as livestock and many other animals) will face the loss of their primary food source and therefore, extinction. Anything that relies on those animals for food (such as humans, for example) will see a drastic decline in the availability of food and face extinction as well. It is a chain reaction... once you set it in motion, it gets bigger and bigger and the consequences can be fatal to many species, even humans.

This is really happening... right now! This chain of events goes back directly to the Native American wisdom... "We are all related". This doesn't just apply to humans, it applies to all life. The Native Americans have long realized the connection between every form of life on Earth. Even centuries before scientists discovered the incredible similarities between humans and all other life on a DNA level, Native Americans knew that all life comes from a common ancestor. All life shares common DNA traits and is therefore related. Beyond this... the connection between species on Earth means that what affects one species affects all... world wide. For example... if you drive Monarch butterflies to extinction in Kansas City, Kansas, it not only impacts the local environment, but it impacts the entire planet in some way to a greater or lesser degree. Another example... let's say that barn owls become extinct. This breaks the food chain... rats and mice no longer have owls as predators, therefore more rats and mice thrive and reproduce, they all live longer without this natural predator and in very short order, the rat and mouse population explodes, leading to more disease that would spread to humans and any other creatures the rats come in contact with. Think of the Bubonic Plague here...

There's another bit of Native American wisdom that applies. Every living thing has a "spirit"... and in this context, that is not necessarily the same thing as a "soul" per se. The belief is that nature provides all that we need... not want, NEED... there is a difference. Nature provides this for us to take and use, but we must only take what is NEEDED and be thankful for it, use ALL of it in some way, and honor Nature by giving something back.

Look at humanity as a whole... do we take more than we need? Yes. Are we thankful for it... REALLY thankful? Sometimes... most of us take it for granted with no thought as to where it came from or how it got into our hands. Do we use ALL of it? Not usually. Instead, we waste large portions of everything in our "disposable" society. Waste, in the eyes of the Native American, is showing dishonor and disrespect to the spirit of the animal, tree, plant (or whatever) and to the sacrifice it made to keep you alive. That, my friends, is "bad medicine" to the Native American. Do we honor Nature by giving something back? Most of the time, no... unless you count all the garbage, chemical waste, nuclear waste, and other pollutants we dump into the air and water and onto the land... but that's not "giving back" is it? No, that's using the Earth, our home, as a giant trash can and that's not only showing disrespect to the Earth, its mockery of the life it gives. Is it any wonder that the Earth is in agony or that Nature has begun to fight back? Is it that much of a surprise?

To those that believe that Global Warming is just a "catch phrase" or just something to talk about if you want to appear to be "chic", you need a good hard slap in the face with reality! If the bee population goes extinct... you might just get that rude awakening because you might find yourself begging for food. And to those who want to make this a political issue, the only thing political about it is that we HAVE to force our elected officials... from the local cities and towns right on up to Washington, DC... to enact and ENFORCE legislation that will protect endangered species and help clean up the environment. It has nothing to do with being liberal or conservative, Democrat, Republican or Independent... it has to do with reality and doing what's right and required while there's still time. It's time our elected officials put away party lines, give up the "spin doctoring" bullshit and get off their asses and DO something about this crisis. If we don't make it happen soon, we'll lose our best chance to survive. Technology will have a part in saving ourselves and our home planet, but it won't provide the complete solution. Industrialization and technology got us into this mess in the first place. We must return to the mindset of honoring, protecting and nurturing our Earth. We must learn not to waste, not to take more than we need, and to honor Nature and help heal it by giving back. When you pick that apple from the tree, thank the tree (I'm serious) for sacrificing that apple for your life, eat every part of that apple that's edible, and then plant the seeds to honor Nature and replace what you have taken. Apply that to everything Nature gives us and you'll see a difference... it really can be that simple.

Welcome!

Just getting things set up, but I'll soon be posting entries here on a fairly regular basis. Some of the things I say here won't be "PC", and probably won't be safe for work, either. I promise I won't be excessive with "adult language", but I do tend to get passionate about certain things. If I blog on any of those, language could get a bit rough. Theoretically, we're all adults here... I think we can handle that.

This blog may, at times, contain adult content. This can include images, language, and references to sexual activities (mostly of a gay nature). If this sort of thing offends, upsets, or otherwise bothers you... LEAVE NOW! If you are not of legal age to view such content... LEAVE NOW!

Everyone else... sit back, grab a beverage, and keep checking in. I hope this will not only be an entertaining blog for my readers, but maybe we can each learn as well.

Feel free to leave comments and express your views, but please do so in an adult, civil manner. All comments must be approved by me prior to being published. This isn't to censor anyone, but I'm simply not going to have any hate speech or free-for-all flame wars here. This is my blog, this is a hate-free zone. If you can't act like a civilized adult, go get your own blog.

Take care... and walk in Balance!

~Peace~